Sunday, April 09, 2006

Went to see my regular doctor on Friday, trying to get something else for the pain, since the oral Demerol doesn’t do ANYTHING. One of the reasons the pain has been such an issue is because I can't take any of the more popular pain relievers like Vicodin or Percacet, they make me really, really sick. If I could tolerate them, I'd probably not be complaining about pain so much. There's also a chance I'd get to like them a bit *too* much, if you get my drift.

Balderston had written me a script for Darvon but since he is not licensed in New York State, I can’t cash it; it’s a controlled substance and here in New York the prescription must be written on a special pad in triplicate. My doctor here gave me Ultram and so far (I’ve only taken two pills, one Friday night and another just now) it hasn’t made me nauseous though it did make my head spin and my mouth dry. It also had the strange effect of giving me some incredible anxiety after it wears off. I looked it up and what I found was a bit scary: it’s used “off label” as an anti-depressant which would explain why it made me so damn jittery. Some people also described “hellish” withdrawl symptoms after a few months of use. I’ve resolved to only take it when I absolutely need it, like at night, when the pain seems to be the worst.

And anyway, to be honest, it doesn't help the pain all that much. What I’ve found is that most so-called pain meds *don’t* eliminate the pain, they just make you not care so much about it. It’s funny, but it seems like I either may be building up a tolerance to the Tylenol or the pain is just getting stronger. When all this first started, I would take the Tylenol and the muscle relaxers and knew it was going to be about 15 minutes till they started to kick in. Now I wait sometimes an hour before I get any relief, and I feel like some of the relief I get is due to my making a point of lying absolutely *still* after I take it. I feel like not moving my spine helps almost as much as the med, but I can’t stay immobile 24/7. I was joking with Dr. Balderston that I wished I had saved my brace from after the fusion surgery. Assuming it still fit me, it would have kept everything in line and stable. I *just* threw it out on our last move from 16th Street into our current apartment, thinking I should finally let go of the past. Ha, ironic, no?


Anonymous Mashuga said...

So sorry to read all the grim details. I know about pain meds and have been on them for a while now and don't ever think I'll be without them. I can understand so much of what you wrote. I will keep good thoughts for you and hope that you get the relief you need.
My best and keep a good mind. I know you will get better and hope for that ASAP.

10:26 PM  

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