Et tu, Ultram?

Well, I barely had time to finish singing the praises of my new pain med, Ultram before the honeymoon was over. I haven't had a bowel movement in 5 or 6 days and now my stomach looks like those poor little starving African kids with the big bellies. The skin on my stomach is stretched as tight as a drum, and the pain and discomfort is unimaginable. Sometimes it feels like a mouse is running around in the Habitrail of my intestines, so I think they are working, just not sure what it is they are up to. I haven't eaten anything but a little bit of plain yogurt since yesterday afternoon, it's so full down there that there's no room for anything new. My doctor prescribed Miralax, which sounds like a Miracle Laxative, but isn't. [Sidebar: Sorry to all you folks who are reading this purely for the back and spine issues, believe me, this is part of the territory for most anyone who takes pain medicine for any extended length of time.]So now I've got all this pressure and pain and bloating adding on to the low back, hip and leg pain which has gotten mysteriously worse in the past few days again.

The increased pain may have something to do with the upper body exercises I've been attempting: bicep curls, chest presses, etc., all from the safety and relative stability of my bed; still there may be inadvertent spine movement involved that I'm not even aware of. Whatever the reason, turning over in bed and any kind of movement in general is accompanied by excruciating stabs of pain that feel punitive, though I know they're not.

Also, The Spasms are back for a return engagement, probably because the muscles in my low back and stomach are so stressed from the extra pressure down there. I got stuck at 4AM leaning on the table on the way into the bathroom and had to call for Tyler to help me to get to the toilet. Then, once I'm there, I can't pee (another lovely, new side effect from the Ultram, you really, really have to go, and nothing comes out unless you PUSH, which of course causes pain and strain in the back. Ultram, you really know how to hurt a girl). Once I'm done alternately pushing out pee and crying from the resulting paroxyms of pain, I manage to stand, leaning my hands and upper body on the side of the tub, calling for Tyler to come and help me back to bed. Tony comes too, just to supervise, how cute is that?

So now, thanks to the ungodly constipation, I may not be able to continue to take the blessed Ultram, I may have to add it to the list of drugs that I can not take to relieve my pain, a list that is growing, and frighteningly so.