Sunday, May 28, 2006

I'm tired

I've put off writing anything as I don't have a whole lot to say that I haven't already said, probably more than once. Pain, stiffness, can't walk, blah, blah, blah.

What I do have to report is not all that exciting. Tyler spoke to Theresa, the NP at Balderston's office this week; they are expecting FDA approval sometime in June, and rough guesstimate for my surgery, August or September. Of course, I am grateful and thankful that there is surgery to help me, and thankful that I can have it so soon (three more months! ack!) but being cooped up and unable to do lots of really simple things is starting to weigh on me.

I'm tired of not being able to walk. One of my "well-meaning" neighbors told me the other day that when I walked with my cane I resembled the R. Crumb "Keep on Truckin'" character (he was referring, I'm guessing, to the two panes at the bottom of that page in the link, as they are bent over forward), which, unfortunately, is pretty spot on. It's not just how I know I look when I walk with the cane, it's that walking even a few steps just wrings me out! I have to stop every few steps, panting with exhaustion. On the upside, I guess that my stomach muscles are going to be very strong, cause they're all that is holding me even semi-upright at this point.

I'm tired of not being able to stand up for more than a few seconds at a time without a)crumpling forward and
b)panting with exhaustion.
If I want to wash my face, I have to get into the shower, as I can't cup both my hands to fill them with water and rinse, I need to hold myself up with one hand on the sink.

I'm tired of not being able to spend as much time cooking as I'd like because I can't freakin' stand up. While it is true that the kitchen is one of the easier rooms for me (galley kitchen, always something to hold on to), doing anything like chopping, slicing, opening cans or, basically, anything that requires two hands, is very hard and leaves me, you guessed it, panting with exhaustion. (I wonder if my stooped-ness is cramping my lungs and affecting my lung capacity? A scary thought, since that was happening before I had the surgery for the scoliosis 20 years ago.)

Here's something else good: I'm still not tired of NYPD Blue! Hey, I've gotta find something positive to focus on ...


Blogger stureyk said...

Hi Ingrid,

feeling a kind of helpless not being able to help you in any way.

I don't know if I told you but I got Polio when I was 5 years old (51 years ago) so I have had to live with it for some years. Reason for telling you is that during all those years the only time I have really suffered was when somebody was mean to me or something else was happening that had nothing to with my Polio.

As I´m pretty sure that you have some loving people around you every day - not to mention Tony - I´m sure you are going to get through this period with style and we will be able to have a walking tour in Chelsea again.

Wish you all the best - Sturla

6:21 PM  
Blogger md in toronto said...

thanks for your updates Ingrid you inspire me, just seeing the challenges that you face every day. I've been busy here mixing my friend Bunny's recording...we do all the parts so it takes longer (much longer!) to get to final stages. Getting closer :-) tweek tweek, undo, more tweeks!

2:07 AM  

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