I was over my back ...

This looks and feels the same to me as it has for the past couple months now. Still sore, still feels like it's going to pull apart when I stretch (which I found out yesterday I wasn't supposed to be doing. Oops.)

Talked to Theresa yesterday about the weird burning pain in my upper back that gives me the chills and the willies and the persistent nag of the threat of full blown sciatica shooting down my legs. She repeated her mantra that I'm overdoing it and I should listen to my body. How do I start to listen to my body now? Much of my life has been spent ignoring those tiny tweaks and twinges in order to just get through the day. How else could I have spent years fencing, rock climbing, running long distances? I'm not sure what listening to my body even means.

So today at the gym I only did legs, and I haven't been swimming for a week, afraid I'll get the burning pulling pain in the water and necessitate a rescue by the lifeguard. It's that bad, and I sometimes can't feel when it's coming. I Also can't believe I did it to myself trying to stretch. When will I learn that I'm not competing with anyone and it doesn't matter all that much if I exercise six times a week or three? I'm still getting plenty of exercise walking Tony every single day (but in fact the walking is what brings out the sciatica, what to do?). Today at the gym I was feeling good after a half hour on the elliptical cardio machine and full leg weight circuit; I had no twinges in my legs until I started stretching my quads (which I was told I could and should do), at which point I felt that little shock go down my legs. I'm thinking it has something to do with arching my back, which I did slightly while performing the stretch.

It's clear I must cut back my activites, which I already have been forced to. I miss swimming, I miss the smell of the chlorine and the beauty of our pool; I miss gliding through the water, channeling Michael Phelps, rocking from side to side gulping in air.

Just when I thought it was safe to be so over this whole ordeal, it's, if you'll excuse the pun, back.