I was over my back ...

This looks and feels the same to me as it has for the past couple months now. Still sore, still feels like it's going to pull apart when I stretch (which I found out yesterday I wasn't supposed to be doing. Oops.)

Talked to Theresa yesterday about the weird burning pain in my upper back that gives me the chills and the willies and the persistent nag of the threat of full blown sciatica shooting down my legs. She repeated her mantra that I'm overdoing it and I should listen to my body. How do I start to listen to my body now? Much of my life has been spent ignoring those tiny tweaks and twinges in order to just get through the day. How else could I have spent years fencing, rock climbing, running long distances? I'm not sure what listening to my body even means.

So today at the gym I only did legs, and I haven't been swimming for a week, afraid I'll get the burning pulling pain in the water and necessitate a rescue by the lifeguard. It's that bad, and I sometimes can't feel when it's coming. I Also can't believe I did it to myself trying to stretch. When will I learn that I'm not competing with anyone and it doesn't matter all that much if I exercise six times a week or three? I'm still getting plenty of exercise walking Tony every single day (but in fact the walking is what brings out the sciatica, what to do?). Today at the gym I was feeling good after a half hour on the elliptical cardio machine and full leg weight circuit; I had no twinges in my legs until I started stretching my quads (which I was told I could and should do), at which point I felt that little shock go down my legs. I'm thinking it has something to do with arching my back, which I did slightly while performing the stretch.

It's clear I must cut back my activites, which I already have been forced to. I miss swimming, I miss the smell of the chlorine and the beauty of our pool; I miss gliding through the water, channeling Michael Phelps, rocking from side to side gulping in air.

Just when I thought it was safe to be so over this whole ordeal, it's, if you'll excuse the pun, back.

Comic relief

At first glance, this xray doesn't look too much different fromt this one, but if you look closely, you can see that the fused area is filling in a bit more with bone.

That's good.

Right after I was shown into an exam room, one of the interns came in to see me. Last visit Dr. B. brought this kid in to see my progress and introduced him, saying that he had "scrubbed in" on my surgery. (Thanks to Grey's Anatomy, I now know what that means.) So this kid (I kid you not, he was like 12 years old) comes in and asks me a bunch of questions about pain, activities, etc. He examined the scars and said they looked "good," whatever that means, and took some notes. I asked him about the slight sciatica feeling pain I was getting when I lean forward sometimes and his answer was basically, don't lean forward like that. *rim shot* Who is this guy, Jackie Vernon?

Dr. Balderston came in a few minutes later and said it looked "absolutely beautiful," and was healing exactly as it should, which of course is great to hear. I joked with him that usually when someone says I look beautiful, they are looking at my face, but I'd take the compliment however it came. He joked back (unusual for him, he's usually all business)that for him, face, back, whatever, it was all the same. It felt so good to joke around with him, after all the seriousness in the past year or so. What a relief! I'm now allowed to start swimming again, and can use any of the elliptical machines in the gym, as well as the stationary bike. This will give some much needed variety to my workouts, and help to redevelop my leg muscles. I still can't believe how much walking still hurts my legs (and feet!).

My next follow up appointment isn't until June (three months from now!) and I joked to Dr. Balderston that if at the three month follow up had the intern coming in first, I wondered who would be coming at the six month visit, the janitor? *rim shot*

But seriously folks, everything is going just like it should, and that's no joke!

Abdominal Incision 10 weeks

On with the Neosporin Scar Solution Challenge ...
It doesn't look too much different from last week's photo, but I didn't really expect results in one week.

I've still got the sciatica-type pain in my left leg and hip, and I'm now thinking that walking Tony, when he's in an excited state and pulling a bit on the leash, isn't the best thing for me. True, he's only 17 pounds, but I just had major surgery 10 weeks ago.

I'm feeling very frustrated right now. I mentioned before that I had stopped going to the gym in favor of walking Tony, but with the weather being absolutely frigid, neither one of us wanted to spend much time outside. Then I started to feel the pain and panicked and started to try to take it easy. But after about a week or so of that, I started to go stir crazy. I need exercise, mentally almost more than physically at this point. Plus with Tony being all in an anxious state about something, I needed to stop and rearrange things.

So I went to the gym today and rode the recumbent bike for twenty-five minutes and then came home. We'll increase the dog-walker's time in the afternoon from a half hour to an hour so Tony gets his exercise too and see how we all do. From just that short session at the gym, I'm already feeling better.

All the barking dogs were not in the ring ...

This past week found me grimacing every time I leaned forward in my seat or randomly when I put weight on my left leg, and then later, also my right. Ugh. Not much pain, but pain, nevertheless, coupled with a weird pulling sensation that I've felt before over the last 15 years or so. Ugh x 2. My normal reaction to it would be to stretch stretch stretch my back and my legs, but that is still verboten, so I was left with just the grimacing, which didn't help, and rest, which did.

Another call to Theresa pretty much confirmed what I had feared: I'm overdoing it. She said it's not unusual for patients to have pain associated with the surgery for months or even up to a year afterward. Of course, Type A competitor that I am, I was trying to be the "star" patient and really astound everyone with everything that I was doing. So much for that. I can't even imagine going through everything that I went through to still have pain.

So I decided to cut back on my activities. No more going to the gym every day on top of the dog walks, and walking for shorter distances with Tony until this goes away. It's already gotten better.

All this didn't take effect until today, of course, because I had to go to the dog show yesterday. I've been going to Westminster for a few years now, and really missed going last year (I was in bad shape last year this time, remember?). I was wondering what being on my feet for a good portion of the day was going to feel like, now I know: tired, achy, painful, but oh, I was in heaven!

I did come home to rest for an hour or so at mid-morning (right after I saw the Borders in the ring!), and it did seem to help. What also helped was the taking of a Darvocet around 12:30 and forcing myself to sit down and stay sitting for a half an hour. It was hard! I really had to not allow myself to get up and walk around, looking for pictures to take. I finally headed home, reluctantly, about 4:15. I SO could've stayed there all night and gone again today. Did I mention it was heavenly?

I have to say that of all the aches and pains I have today, and they are many (shoulders and neck, probably from camera; entire back, legs, hips and butt), I think my feet were the biggest casualty. I hadn't realized how tender they were from doing only the most minimal of walking for an entire year.

So my new rest regime starts today. I'm putting my feet up, waiting for the dog walker to come and take Tony out, and cueing up the DVR of the dog show that was on USA last night. At least my dogs are getting a rest today!